There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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