Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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