Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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