let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
