no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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