Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
