I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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