I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
