she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
