R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
