He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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