Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
