i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
