I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
