She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
