if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
