omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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