they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
