there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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