do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
