I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
