everyone is single if you try hard enough
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
