we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
