Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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