is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
