Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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