No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
