I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
