i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
