Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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