She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
