woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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