it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
