Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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