i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
