I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
