do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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