Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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