Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
