just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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