dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
