i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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