Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
