Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
