after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
