i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
