she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
