dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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