Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
