How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
