Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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