I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
