i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
