ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
